How I receive love.
I’m a sucker for online surveys. I see them, especially the ones that attempt to explain my life and they just scream “pick me. pick me” and I fall for it every single time.
I took one of those random online tests today about the 5 love languages. My love languages are apparently quality time (I’ve known this) and words of affirmation.
The words of affirmation one really lick mi fi 6. Me? Vanessa Roseway? Expert mirror talker and positive affirmations guru? In need of affirmations from these men? LIES!!
Well, apparently it’s the truth. They said it on the internet folks. It’s true.
Lately I’ve been picking my life apart trying to figure out who I am, who and how I love and what I want. I’ve known that quality time is a craving I have, not just in romantic relationships, but with every kind of relationship I have. I like being around the people I love. Even if it’s just to engage in a tiny task, even if it’s just to enjoy each other’s silence. I love it. Naturally, I love my space too. However this I love. I love parceling out parts of my day and time for people. I love making them know they’re welcome in my space and I love when I’m made to feel that way in return.
I didn’t really realize how much this mattered to me until my last relationship where it felt like I had to always be begging someone to want to talk to me, to miss me, to see me, when I directed those feelings towards him with such ease. So I battled a lot with my self worth and my lovabilty in that year. Yikes.
(Gather round folks, I’m fully aware that lovability is not a word.)
As for words of affirmation? This result really had me in shock. I didn’t grow up getting a lot of these. My family isn’t very vocal in expressing love. It was always understood that my parents loved us. They fed us, clothed us, took care of us etc. All these things were manifestations of love, why then would they have needed to say “I love you” in addition to all of these actions?
I carried this mindset with me until high school where I was engulfed in sisterhood and that’s where I learnt to shower the people around me with compliments and daily reminders that I appreciated their presence in my life. However, accepting these words of affirmation remains difficult for me because I always thought I was above needing them. I’m a strong self- sufficient girl. I can give myself compliments. I’ve perfected Viola Davis’s speech in The Help after endless recitals in the mirror in the mornings. Smart. Kind. Important.
I don’t need cute words from these men.
Truthhh, but also, lies.
I need them. I want to hear the cliche I love yous and I miss yous and now at 22 years of age, I’ve finally accepted that these are my love languages and maybe in 2 or 5 years, (15 years if I’m being really honest) I’ll be open to being fluent in somebody else’s love languages.
Until next time.
Love and light,
Vanessa.