University: the ultimate friendship murderer
Between my not so useful foundation courses, my core courses, and sitting under the trees and by the benches of my university, I can say I’ve learnt a lot in these few months. I learnt that soaking my nails in cold water after getting them done helps them to dry faster; I’ve learnt that setting my clock a day ahead gets me 5 more lives on Candy Crush; and yes I picked up a thing or two from the lectures and tutorials.
As I come to the end of my year, two things university has taught me is that the lifespan of a friendship is dependent on many variables and university is the ultimate test of friendships.
University has taught me, more than anything else, that friendships do not last forever. And even more than that, knowing somebody for 8, 10, 15 years isn’t enough to keep that friendship going. This past is important- undoubtedly so-but it is not enough to keep a friendship kicking and screaming in the present.
Maintaining a friendship is hard work. I think it’s right up there with running a business. It can be really fun, stressful, at times it gets emotional and more often than not it’s extremely rewarding. But above all, maintaining a friendship is a partnership. And friendships need active partners.
However, this academic year has shown me that I have quite a few silent partners.
Do you remember that last day of high school? Well, I do. I can recall the tears, the hugs and the nostalgia as if it were just yesterday. I remember all the girls passing around their skirts and shirts for us to sign on with markers and people passing around journals for us to write letters. Then there was the time on Twitter and Facebook when everybody wrote a weepy, emotional epistle. On these surfaces we made empty promises to video call or chat everyday, to go out every month and to keep our friendships going.
One academic year later, whether it be two or three semesters, has put these promises to the test. These promises have been baking in the oven for all this time. The timer has sounded and the proof is in the pudding.
Think about it. How many persons in your lunch group do you still communicate with regularly? When was the last time you spoke to them? When you make arrangements to meet for lunch who showed up? When you pass them in the corridor do you run and hug them or muster an awkward wave? When you see them on line do you quickly start a chat or do you linger a bit over their names then scroll along?
People say that people grow apart and friendships naturally come to an end.
I call bullshit.
I have friends who have migrated and now live miles away and I still make the effort to talk to them. We still make time and we schedule Skype dates or Whatsapp dates. We all have these friends. These friends that stand the test of time, distance and every epoch in life. On the other side of the river we have friends on the same campuses as we are; a mere 5 minute walk away and these friends are too busy and they always have the “I’m never free when you are free ” excuse right at the tips of their tongues. These friends are the friends we pass everyday or exist in the same space with but they are the ones that truly feel miles away. Unlike the Atlantic Ocean this distance is more difficult to traverse and is seldom ever worth the effort.
I’m not saying we should only dedicate time to our new friends. I’m saying that we’ve reached a period in our journeys and not all our old friends tagged along for the ride.
These are the silent partners. I for one am done making the effort for silent partners. Do your tally, how many silent partner friendships do you have? How many of your friendships didn’t survive university?