Why are you single?

Every single female hears this question.
Every.
One.

We hear it from our girlfriends, our guy friends, our parents, people we don’t even talk to and sometimes we find ourselves asking this very same question.

Why. Are. You. Single?

People ask it in a plethora of ways.
Sometimes it’s disguised as a compliment; the “Omg, you’re so gorgeous/fly/smart/sexy/funny/——, how are you still single?”

Or sometimes it’s a lot less polite and downright bitchy.

“You’re still single?” (said to the tone of “Ewww, girl, is that your track I’m seeing?”)

Some of us take it upon ourselves to make excuses for this single-ness life we are currently about. We say:

1. “I’m single because I’m trying to love myself first.”
2. “I’m single because I’m doing me right now.”
3. “I like being single.”
4. “All the potentials are gay, taken or assholes.”
5. “Take a look around. Do you see anyone worth dating?” <—-Guilty!
6. “Guys these days aren’t looking for a relationship, they’re looking for a sex-buddy.”
7. “I’m waiting for the guys around me to grow up and acquire my level of emotional maturity.” <—-this is my preferred drug.
8. “Oh, you know. I’m too fabulous. I’m my own best friend.”

But why do we need to have an excuse?
Why can’t we just be single because we’re single?

So here is my bold declaration. I AM SINGLE SIMPLY BECAUSE I AM SINGLE. I’m single in the same way that I am female, or that I’m skinny, or short, or black.

I’m single because I am single. It’s just a fact. At the moment in my life where you ‘why-are-you-single me’, I happen to be single.

However, this single-behaviour does not affect who I am. And here’s the real shocker- I am just like everybody else.
I eat. I like John Legend. I think Drake and Adele would make a great couple. Some days I feel like painting rainbows on every wall, and other days I plug in my earphones and wear my “I-will cut-you” face. I bathe. I cry. I sin. I listen to music. I laugh. I procrastinate.

And yes, sometimes we single females want somebody to text whenever we want to. We want to look and see more than the generic message from our telephone service provider or that email telling us how to enlarge the penises we do not have. Sometimes we want someone to take us out on a date. Yes, sometimes we do feel lonely. But this loneliness doesn’t characterize our singleness, our choice to be single isn’t always a choice made by somebody else, our being single doesn’t make us lesbians, or too independent, or a woman-who-thinks-she-doesn’t-a-man-because-she’s-all-that-and-a-bag-of-chips. We’re single, because we’re single.

So men, instead of criticizing us because we’re single. Why don’t you ask yourself why we aren’t interested in being with you?

So attached females, why don’t you stop looking down your noses at us and remember when you were one of us? Did you stay that way forever? Were you single because of a rare genetic disease, or were you just single because you were single?
So when we don’t like all the pictures you post with your significant other, we’re not jealous. We were just too busy looking at the Forever 21 website or checking out the new deals at Domino’s or something mundane like breathing, or studying or I don’t know- having a life independent of yours.

Parents, why don’t you be grateful that you aren’t grandparents before 50? In general why don’t you just not do that thing where you want a blow by blow of our daily activities?

And to my single friends. There is no law that dictates that we must be hitched and on our way to being married before 23 or 25 or 30 or…
There is a life outside of a relationship. Enjoy it. Sleep in. Go to the movies with friends. Or don’t. Stay home and watch a movie or twerk while washing the dishes.

Stay home and read your Bible.

AND DO NOT!
I repeat!!!
Do not rush into a relationship with the first thing with a dick just so you can avoid the “Why are you single?”
Because wouldn’t you rather be single than in a relationship that’s forever in neutral?
I know I would.

So the next time someone asks you why you’re single, say “yes” and smile. “I am single.”

But for real though. I’m single because when I look in the mirror, I don’t want to share.